When it comes to raising kids, we have famously heard the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a kid.” But modern parents are left wondering what happened to these “villages.” There was a time when families used to be big and grandparents, extended family members and even neighbors were involved in raising a single child. But times have changed and nuclear families have working parents who are struggling to do it all by themselves.
However, one mom on TikTok has suggested an interesting solution to this problem. Chance, a mom who goes by @hindirlanefamily on TikTok, stitched a video with another creator who was begging people to stop telling moms that it requires a whole village to raise a kid. The other creator, Caylee Cresta, made it clear in her video that she believes that “moms have no village anymore.” So Chance left her response to the video by clarifying that moms and would-be-moms need to sort out their finances and seek out the “village” to help them raise their kids.
“Because all you’re really doing is reminding them that they’re stuck doing it all alone when they’re not meant to do it all alone,” she begins. “What we need to do is start telling mothers that the village is no longer free. We need to start telling future mothers to make financial plans ahead for their ‘village’. Plan ahead for a nanny. Plan ahead for a housekeeper. Plan ahead for a meal prep. Plan ahead for a postpartum care nurse.”
In simple terms, if moms in a nuclear family want help to raise their kids, they have to start paying for the help and manage their finances accordingly. Chance added that every woman needs to be more mindful when it comes to settling down and deciding to have kids. She warns if a woman has a partner who dumps all the weight of parenting duties and household chores on them, it will only escalate a mom’s mental stress.
“We need to start telling future mothers to pick their partners wisely. Not only pick a man who wants kids but pick a man who also wants to be a father. We need to start telling them to talk about the division of labor super early on in their relationship,” she elaborates. Chance states that moms should not burden themselves with childcare and every other responsibility and should actively seek out help. “We need to make sure they understand a free village is no longer realistic but it does not mean they’re supposed to be doing this alone. It just means they literally have to pay for their village so they should very very very much plan ahead for that,” Chance concluded.
TikTok audience mostly agreed with the pointers Chance made. @lecarlm wrote: “Agreed! Cut back on wedding expenses and get counseling as partners, on finances and labor expectations.” @cosycosy5 commented: “I don’t understand why we don’t talk about this! If you can afford it the village is right there it’s called a midwife, night nurse, nanny.” @cstooks11 added: “This! I’m getting a part-time nanny and found my housekeeper. I work full time from home with 2 and I’m outsourcing my stress to be a quality mom.”
@manderruns shared: “I was a nanny/household manager and it really taught me how insane it is to expect a mom to do it alone.” According to a 2020 report from Child Care Aware, it was deduced that the national average annual cost of childcare was $10,174 per child which is more than 10% of the median dual income of a married couple and more than 35% of the median income of a single parent in the country.